Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
