Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
