The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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