Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
