i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
