Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
