I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
