his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
