If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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