I am puke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
