you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
