OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
nutella sex= disaster
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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