He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
