Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
