his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
