I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found the puke drawer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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