it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
