He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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