i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
