OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
