Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
