John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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