I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He did a backflip because drugs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize