You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
