I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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