I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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