Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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