$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
