I heard we made out
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
