I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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