i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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