I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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