dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
