if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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