Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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