I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
