I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like, not good at living.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
