Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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