She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
