I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
