Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
