I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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