Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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