I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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