are you still at the devil's house?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
