my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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