it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
