I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
