Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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