dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
