I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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