My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
