Pappa wants mamma naked
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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