Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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