haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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