i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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