i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
