The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
