I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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