I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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