4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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