The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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