i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
