Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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