The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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