My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can u get pink eye on your cock?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
