Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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