the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
