We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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