question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
