I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
