My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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