I puked a lego.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
