I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
